A message to the PHP programming language [Satire]

[NeonStranger]

PHP, just who do you think you are? You've been spending all of your time simply making sure that I have a horrible day. Do you ever stop and think before you act? Do you ever stop and ask yourself how useful that fucking syntax error will be to me before you fucking send it? I'm sure you don't! You do not care about anyone but you and live in a constant mental loop of sending runtime errors and waiting for me to fix them! Well guess what! I'm done. Today shall be the day that I start my revolution against you PHP. I shall no longer endure your sad and non-humorous constant error floods. I shall be the one to stop this horrific mental illusion that you tell yourself at night. Your jobs are decreasing exponentially. Your errors are too many! I know this is too complicated for a fucking insect of a programming language like you to understand but deal with the fact that the people around you do not care for your errors. Not only do you send them at such annoying and inconvenient time, but after seeing them, I, not only lose brain cells, but I notice how much of a fucking normie you are. So do yourself and the entire world a favour and fucking stop existing, and if you don't do that, I will have to take the issue with my own hands. Oh and I think you're ugly.